MY HOMEWARD JOURNEY

Early Spiritual Influences

It is the firm conviction of Hindus that "the body is not the soul." Birth or death comes only to the body and not to the soul inhabiting the body. Though this soul (jiva) is not different in essence from Paramatma (God), it is under the grip of maya (illusion) and feels that it is different. When people get out of the clutches of maya and realise their true nature, they have reached home i.e. God, which is also called mukti (liberation). Till such time, one has to pass through the cycle of births and deaths, reaping the fruit of one's actions. But the spiritual progress made in one's lifetime is not lost, as the soul will start from where it left off in the previous life. Paramatma provides the necessary environment by making the soul take birth in a family suitable for it. The very fact that I was born in a religious Brahmin family shows that God must have thought that I deserved such a birth. It was to give me an opportunity to grow up in an environment congenial for my spiritual growth.

The spiritual progress in me was gradual and not the result of any sudden event in life. I was with my parents until the age of nine. During that period I got the imprint on me of the family traditions, such as cleanliness, respecting elders, honouring guests, etc. No one would eat lunch at our home before worship and offering of cooked food to the idol of the family God. This had a subtle effect on me: it taught me that everything in this world belongs to God and that we enjoy it as a pure gift from him.

My father, though very strict in observing rituals in worship, never compelled other members of the family to conform to his way. All the same, the atmosphere in the house was such that the seed of devotion to God sprouted in the hearts of us children and grew in an atmosphere of freedom. Hindus believe that by worship of all deities (aspects of God) they will ultimately reach Paramatma (Supreme Lord). Hindu dharma disapproves of the fanatical dogma, which proclaims that "My God alone is true and the gods of others are false." Any spiritual awakening in Hindus is a result of free will and not due to coercion or as a result of the strict observance of religious practices. This tolerance of religious diversity is such that it is not uncommon to find different family members being devoted to different deities and yet living harmoniously under one roof.

Spiritual Progress

Another salutary effect RSS had on me was to teach me to judge my proposed actions by the effect it would have on society. I will give an example. When I was about twenty years old, I filled in a crossword puzzle and sent it to a competition, paying one rupee as a fee. The winning entry would get good money as a prize. Fortunately, I did not get the prize and this fact made me reflect on the practice of such competitions. I said to myself: "I paid one rupee and wished to gain a bigger amount. Did I earn that? Did the organisers of the competition produce that amount out of nothing? Many persons must have lost, a part of which was set aside as prize money. This is unjust. Let me be cursed if I desire money which I have not earned." I considered the lottery system very unjust and detrimental to society; I judged that it would make people daydreamers and lazy. Since that day in all these fifty years, I have never bought even a single lottery ticket, not to talk of gambling, etc.

After becoming a graduate, I worked as a tutor in a degree college. There also I enjoyed the company of good and cultured people. I was 21 at that time. In the staff room, we used to discuss spiritual matters, for example we talked about a saint named Ramana Maharshi of Tiruvannamalai. He was a jeevanmukta, a liberated soul though still living in a human body. He was renowned all over the world. He was afflicted by cancer and was in his last days. We wanted to go for his darshan (visiting an honourable person/God) and have his blessings. Many people had already gone there. But I was unfortunate in that I could not make up my mind to go. Meanwhile the Maharshi attained nirvana (expired). I cursed myself for losing a great opportunity to see "God in human form." Afterwards I often reflected on this happening but consoled myself with the thought that even a missed opportunity is a blessing in that it reminds people of what they could have got. This has a salutary effect on one's spiritual progress.

My favourite avatar (incarnation of Bhagawan Vishnu) is Shri Rama, even though I don't dislike any other incarnations or deities. (Whenever there is upsurge of wickedness in the world, Paramatma comes down to earth either in human or in any other form to re-establish harmony. This is called avatar.) I was aged about forty when one day in a dream I saw Hanuman, the greatest devotee of Shri Rama. So I went on a pilgrimage to Bhadrachalam, where there is a famous temple of Shri Rama. I worshipped Shri Rama and came back. Nothing unusual happened there. But after returning home a thought came to me: why could I not stick to strict religious practices? Thereafter I began my daily prayers at dawn as well as at dusk and also did daily reading of scriptures: Sundarakanda (a chapter in the Ramayana describing the exploits of Hanuman) and Bhagawad Geeta (a dialogue between Shri Krishna and Arjuna on the battlefield of the Mahabharata war). I did this as a religious discipline and for the knowledge it would give me. I have been continuing this practice for the last thirty years.

Move to Kenya: Further progress in Spirituality

In 1982, I sent my wife and children to India for the sake of the children's higher education. I stayed alone with my eldest son in Mombasa. A few months after that I had a health problem, angina pectoris; I became depressed and very weak as well. One night I was praying to Sai Baba and doubting if I would ever meet my wife and children again. The following morning when I went to the reading room, an article in a newspaper caught my eye. It reported that a yogi had cured someone having a serious heart problem with yogic exercises. I said to myself: "So, my ailment also can be cured." I was comforted: Sai Baba had responded to my appeal in this way. My faith in Sai Baba had taken root. On another day I was very much agitated in mind. That night I had a dream in which I felt that I saw Sai Baba. He was sitting on a cot and I approached him and sat down on the ground. I said, "Baba, I am very much agitated. I am not talking about what is happening in the world, only about myself." Baba replied, " It is enough if you go on considering if there is anything different from me." I woke up. Baba had taught me the unity in creation.

In 1983 I read the life stories of two great saints, Sai Baba and Akkalkot Maharaj thee times with all the devotion needed for the purpose. In one of the stories, when people did as I had done, a sanyasi (recluse) would come to their house the following day, would stay for lunch and bless them. Sai Baba considers this as acceptance of the devoted service. At 2 p.m. one day I was alone in my house, saying to myself: "I also did the devotional reading of the life story of Baba. But what sanyasi would come to my house in this foreign land or what relative? I have none here." At 3 p.m. I heard a knock on the door. Wondering who that could be, I opened it and saw my friend Surendar, a radar engineer working at Moi Airport in Mombasa. I can't describe how elated I was at that moment. I requested him to stay with me the following day, a Thursday important for Sai Baba and at the same time it was the Hindu New Year. Surendar said, "I have come to stay with you." I was totally convinced that Baba was aware of my thoughts, feelings and pleadings and was guiding me at every step: I could not do anything without his knowledge. What a solace for a pilgrim along the spiritual path!

In 1985 I went to India and stayed there until 1991. My wife and I returned to Kenya in September 1991, this time to stay on permanently as dependents of my son. Before coming to Kenya, both of us went on a pilgrimage to the sacred places in Bharat for about a month. We took dips in sacred rivers, worshipped in temples and met many swamies and sadhus. One of them advised us saying, "Hereafter you will live as friends." It was in effect a declaration that our life as husband and wife was over and a new life of renunciation was to start. I am not sure if we followed the swamy's advice totally. But God has his own mysterious ways. In June 1993, my wife passed awayas a result of a massive heart attack. A great shock indeed: my grihastha (householder's life) came to an abrupt end. (According to Hindu dharma, a person's life span is divided into four parts. The first quarter is for studies and is called brahmacharya. The second quarter is called grihastha, married life. The third is vanaprastha, retired life, serving the society. The fourth one is called sannyasa, the life of renunciation.) I reached India in August 1993 with the ashes of my wife and performed the necessary obsequies.

At that time his holiness Paramacharya, the Jagadguru Shankaracharya of Kanchi, was in his 100th year. Like Ramana Maharshi he was also a 'jeevanmukta'. He left even all the duties of the math (monastery) and had been living a life of penance for many years. Usually he did not stir out of his room. I thought: "I must take Parmacharya's darshan and blessings. I must not miss such an opportunity a second time." I went to Kanchi in Tamilnadu and reached the monastery directly. At that time some ritual worship was going on in the monastery and about thirty people were seated there. I joined them also. See my great fortune! Paramacharya came walking, followed by three or four disciples. At once I prostrated before him and touched his feet. I gave Rs.5/= as guru dakshina (offering to a spiritual preceptor) which he received and passed on to a disciple behind him. (A rule had been made that one could offer only Rs.5/= as guru dakshina, probably to restrain rich people from giving large amounts.) The following day there were about 300 visitors seeking the blessings of Paramacharya but he did not come out of his room. Everyone had to go in a queue to take his darshan through the open door. How fortunate I was: Paramacharya had responded to the intensity of my wish. Can there be anything unknown to such great souls? (Paramacharya attained nirvana only four months after my visit.)

Attaining the Stage of Renunciation

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A JOURNAL OF SOCIAL AND RELIGIOUS CONCERN
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