Premarital Sex Vs Abstinence

A great number of young people are getting into romantic relationships at an early age and many of them are engaging in premarital sex. Urbanization, the breakdown of traditional family systems and the influence of the mass media are some of the factors contributing to this increased sexual activity. The youth cite curiosity, peer influence, expectation of gifts and money, as well as force, as some of their reasons for engaging in premarital sex.

In this day and age, it is difficult to account for this increase in premarital sexual activity since it is fraught with the dangers of contracting STDs, especially the dreaded HIV/AIDS. Currently it is estimated that one in eleven Kenyans is infected with HIV and over 500 Kenyans are dying daily as a result of AIDS1. According to data from the Ministry of Education, about 20 percent of youth aged between 15-19 years are infected with the HIV virus.2

In condemning sex before marriage the older generation often cites African tradition and blames western influence for the situation. Yet some African communities did allow premarital sex, for instance the Kamba. They considered that it was good for young men to have sexual experience prior to marriage. Curiously, though, girls were supposed to be virgins when they got married. Naturally, the result often was children born out of wedlock. The Kamba were realistic enough to foresee this and had a structure in place for curbing it.

Patrick Munyoli, who belongs to the Kamba community, has this to say about this practice: "The practice, in addition to being a double standard, only served to encourage premarital sex. In the end it was accepted that it would be difficult for girls to remain virgins while randy young men with a will and desire to experiment were on the loose. Therefore, the price paid for girls who had lost their virginity was a reduction in dowry. At the most, this price would be two bulls."

Some years ago, the only real disadvantage associated with premarital sex was that of pregnancy. The fear of being scorned by society was real, not only for the victim, but for the whole family. It was viewed as a real failure on the part of parents for their daughter to get pregnant out of wedlock. Although parents are still very unhappy when their daughter becomes pregnant when she is not married, society on the whole has become more indulgent. The possibility of being scorned by society is no longer an inhibiting factor for most people.

Of greater worry is the possibility of having to undergo an unsafe abortion so as to avoid dropping out of school. For most young people, the termination of schooling means the end of career opportunities. In Kenya an abortion is only legal if the life of the mother is at risk. This means that many a young person who wishes to have an abortion has to settle for an unsafe one, which may lead to death or disability. Indeed, in Kenya today, one in ten maternal deaths are due to the complications of unsafe abortions.3

Psychologically, premarital sex also has its negative effects. With the youth engaging in sexual activity at such an early age, the possibility that one sexual partner is just using the other for sexual pleasure is real. When a sixteen-year-old boy or girl chooses to engage in premarital sex, genuine love and commitment to the partner cannot be presumed at all. The use and dump mentality can lead to psychological trauma in one who is unprepared for such consequences. Without the obligation for the two sexual partners to stay together and be faithful to each other, the likelihood of having multiple sexual partners is also real.

If, in spite of the serious and even fatal risks involved, young people continue to engage in sexual activity, one must ask certain questions. Are young people incapable of being aware of risk every second of their lives? Or have human beings an ingrained need to deny their mortality, living instead as though their lives will never end?

Is there a positive side to engaging in premarital sex? One of the main reasons why people have sex is that it is pleasurable. The shared pleasures of sex may bring two people closer together and may strengthen their relationship. However, in many instances, a young person will have been in many such relationships before they are married. With a marriage defined in the simplest terms as a contract between two people to the exclusion of all others, the emotional baggage associated with premarital sex may prove to be too much for any marriage.

Unlike in the past, when the age at which people got married was quite low for both men and women, today it has risen due mainly to the time spent in getting an education but also on account of the tough economic situation that the country is facing. The cost of a wedding is also a prohibiting factor. An average wedding will cost approximately Kshs. 200,000, a sum very few young people can afford. They therefore figure that, given the circumstances, premarital sex is the only solution.

The "solution" advocated is to promote safe sex, rather than encourage abstinence before marriage. However, practicing safe sex, not for a month or for a year but for a very long time, is harder than many young people feel able or willing to do4.

Most religions permit sex only in marriage since it is felt that only this formal commitment will allow for the responsibilities, both physical and emotional, that come with the sexual act. The permissiveness of modern society, however, appears to have given youth the freedom to make decisions in regard to sexual matters. But this liberty is severely constrained by the consequences that follow upon it. It is obvious, therefore, that the importance of young people making informed choices in regard to their sexuality can hardly be overemphasized.

Notes

2. Annual report. Ministry of Education, Kenya, 2000.

3. Addressing complications of abortion in Sub-Saharan Africa: programs and policy actions. Arusha, Tanzania: CHRS, 1996.

4. Berer, M. and Ravindran, S. "A paper on pregnancy, birth control, STDs and AIDS" in Promoting safer sex. Representative Health Matters, 1999, p. 9.

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