Married in church and condemned to die?by Anne Marie Kinara
A Case Study It is a Saturday afternoon somewhere in Kakamega District, Kenya. On a small farm a funeral is being conducted for a young woman. There are many mourners : relatives, friends, and work mates of the deceased. The various eulogies express sorrow about the cutting short of this young life: the woman was well liked and had shown potential for advancement in her job. But, as the pastor exhorts the people present: "we cannot question God's ways, He fills heaven with people of all ages". Hidden among the crowd is a young man, Peter. He looks on at the proceedings with desperation in his heart. He was the young woman's lover and had wanted to marry her. He had even brought her to his parents' home a year ago. But they had refused, saying that the young woman was loose and had had several men friends before. Now it seems they were right all along. Arrangements were already in progress for him to marry another girl, his long time school friend, Jane. Jane had been attending a Teachers Training College in Nakuru and was due to finish soon. Peter worked as an accounts clerk in a hardware shop. His parents were well off. His marriage to Jane was not delayed and soon after Jane had left college, they were married in the local church. The couple settled down happily. Peter made plans to build their house and Jane enjoyed her married life and the respect she got from being a teacher at the primary school. Soon, however, Jane's women friends told her about the recent events in town and it was not long before she found out about Peter's affair with his former lover, the one who had died so recently. Jane started to become unhappy and for no apparent reason she began to refuse sexual advances from her husband. There was no concrete evidence but was it possible that Peter had contracted AIDS, while she was away at college? They started to quarrel over small things and she found a hundred excuses for not wanting to have sex with him. Finally, she confronted Peter but he denied the whole affair. In a huff Jane went off to stay with her parents. Jane's parents listened to her story with sympathy. However, they reminded her of her love for her husband and her duties as a newly wed wife. They told her that she should not leave her husband because of suspicion and gossip in town. An elderly woman, a member of the family counseled Jane and advised her that she should accept her husband for better or worse. She told her to have faith in God, pray and return to her husband. But Jane thought to herself: "Married in church and condemned to die?" She did go back to Peter, however and tried to forget his past. But married life was no longer what it used to be in the happy beginning. Neither husband or wife spoke to each other or outsiders about their worries but the couple was not happy. The pastor of the church, where they attended services regularly, noticed the change of mood in both of them. He decided to inquire. One day he approached Peter and Peter told him about his troubles with Jane. The pastor of this church was young and dynamic. He had recently attended a seminar on HIV/AIDS prevention organized by MAP/ K-CAN (Kenya Christian Aids Network) in Nairobi. He explained to Peter that it was better not to ignore the issue any longer. "Find out the truth," he told him, "go for the HIV test, both of you. HIV does not condemn you to death. You can live for a long time once you know what to do about it." When Peter told Jane what the pastor had advised them to do, she was very happy and relieved. She promised Peter she would not leave him, whatever the outcome of the tests. So Peter and Jane went to a Family Health Clinic in the District for the tests. After a few days they went back to get the results. They were told both bad news and good news. Peter was HIV positive, but Jane did not have the virus yet. It was also discovered that she was pregnant! The couple returned home both happy and sad. Happy with the prospect of a baby but sad about the threat of HIV. They had been advised to use condoms during intercourse. Peter had objected seriously: "why use condoms with my wife," he thought to himself. However, he was informed that his wife could be infected with the HIV virus by him and she could pass the infection to the unborn baby also. Peter found the use of condoms a great bother at first, but his wife was happy to cooperate with him and they eventually got used to it. That same year, a healthy baby boy was born and every one on both sides of the family rejoiced. Peter went for regular medical check-ups. The laboratory tests showed that his "viral load" (the amount of HIV virus in his blood) remained low and the immunity level (amount of white blood cells) was satisfactory. He did not contract a serious disease. Several years have passed and Peter and Jane are still happily married. Their child is growing healthy and strong. Now we thank God, and the young pastor for his timely advise, otherwise Peter and Jane might not have not been alive to tell their story today. Commentary The above "case study" is so common in Kenya today that all of us personally or in our family circle may have experienced a case similar to that of Peter and Jane. We may also have experienced in our family or among our friends cases that did not have a happy ending. Instead, there may have been continuous worry, repeated disease and eventually death. Peter and Jane's story could also easily have turned out for the worse. Jane could have continued to refuse sex for most of the time. Peter would have been forced to look for sexual relations elsewhere. This could have exposed him to more HIV infection. He would certainly have infected his wife and others as well. We should not worry about HIV or AIDS in ourselves and others. Instead we should do something about it. There are thousands of medical doctors and nurses in Kenya who can answer questions on HIV and AIDS. There are hundreds of church organizations that have trusted members, pastors, elders and counsellors who can advise individuals and couples about HIV and AIDS. Seminars and workshops are organized to keep these professionals in the medical and support services up to date. Newspapers and journals carry information on HIV and Aids regularly. Hospitals have facilities for testing HIV infection for those who want to know. Maureen Ong'ombe, Communication Officer with the Kenya Aids NGO's Consortium (KANCO) says that early detection of HIV infection is important. A healthy life style can prevent the HIV virus from increasing in the body. But repeated exposure to HIV positive partners will increase the levels of HIV in a person. On the other hand, the use of condoms can significantly reduce the spread of the HIV virus to partners. Recently, drugs have been developed that can reduce the HIV levels in blood (for those who can afford it). Furthermore, there is hope for those who cannot afford expensive drugs; they can eat healthy food such as vegetables and fruits and avoiding heavy smoking and drinking. To conclude, being diagnosed with the HIV virus is always a hard blow but should not lead to despair: thousands of people in Kenya have accepted this status and have learned to live positively with it.
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